


YouTube Hits

by dottenator



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Steve is a little shit, messing with friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 18:45:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6090550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dottenator/pseuds/dottenator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://favouriteblogonthecitadel.tumblr.com/post/88062493159/fic-where-all-of-the-avengers-are-trying-to-teach">favouriteblogonthecitadel</a><br/>Fic where all of the Avengers are trying to teach tech stuff to Steve (especially Tony who just gets so <i>annoyed</i> at his apparent tech incompetence) but he just seems super hopeless at it until one day one of them stumbles across a youtube account that’s filled with a series of videos titled ‘How Long Can I Keep My Friends Convinced I Have No Idea What Technology Is’ and it turns out he’s been gaming them for YT hits for <i>months.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	YouTube Hits

“Hey, Tony, can you give me a hand with this?”  
  
Tony glanced up from his coffee, barely awake at the much too early hour of freaking _noon_. Steve was staring at the loaded dishwasher, since apparently the rest of the team had braved the world at an insanely early hour, like, nine or something, and eaten breakfast already, and their leader was making a hilariously upset face at the appliance.  
  
“With what?”  
  
He patted himself on the back mentally for forming such a coherent sentence without even a full dose of caffeine in his system, and Steve rolled his eyes.  
  
“The dishwasher. I, um, don’t know how it works.”  
  
He looked actually embarrassed by that statement, and Tony had to take another two sips before he registered that he was now supposed to offer advice.  
  
“Um, two scoops of the soapy stuff goes in the little box thingy on the back of the door. Then you close it and push the button.”  
  
“What soap stuff?”  
  
“I think it’s under the sink.”  
  
Steve rooted around in the cabinet for a moment, and Tony drained his mug before reaching over to the coffee machine to pour himself a second dose.  
  
“There are these packet things, but I don’t see anything I could scoop.”  
  
Tony looked up, and saw that Steve was holding a box of those weird detergent packages.  
  
“Oh. One of those works just as well.”  
  
Steve nodded, and when the dishwasher was closed he stared at the buttons on its front for a full two minutes in silence before Tony took pity on him.  
  
“Start is in the upper right. If you don’t push anything else, it runs a normal load.”  
  
He nodded gratefully, and the barely noticeable hum started up as if it hadn’t taken the team leader something like five minutes to start the dishes. Tony finished his second cup exponentially faster than the first, and now that the caffeine was kicking in he felt much more like an actual person. Standing and stretching, he clapped Steve on the back before pouring another mug full of coffee and preparing to retreat back down to his workshop.  
  
“If you ever need help with this new-fangled tech, just remember that we’re here for you, buddy. It’s not every day you get to help Captain America with his first dishwasher.”  
  
There was a moment where the look on Steve’s face might have been hurt, but it was quickly replaced by something so cheerful Tony must have imagined the first part.  
  
“Gee, thanks, Tony! I can’t wait until you guys get around to explaining all this new-fangled technology to me!”  
  
Something about his tone seemed a little off, but Tony pegged that as something made up by his still sleep-addled mind and headed back to the basement level where he did his best work, and nobody would pester him with any stupid questions.  
  
As soon as he was sure that the scientist was out of sight, Steve leaned back against the counter with a grin and directed his gaze to the ceiling.  
  
“JARVIS, can you do me a favor?”  
  
\---  
  
“Clint, can you give me a hand here? I saw you and Thor doing something on the TV yesterday, and it looked like you were watching a race of some kind, except it was animated, and it seemed like you could control the racers. Could you explain that to me?”  
  
The archer stared at Steve for a long moment before grinning, practically jumping off of the couch, and rummaging around in front of the TV. Tony had told them all about how behind Steve was on modern technology, and he was eager to participate in the super soldier’s education.  
  
“Steve, it is time for you to be educated in the way of Mario Kart.”  
  
Four minutes later, they weren’t even past the start screen.  
  
“So, you’re saying that there are a bunch of racers doing whatever we tell them to, and-”  
  
“No, you’re not getting it! It’s a _game_ , Steve. Like a TV show, or a movie. They had movies in the forties, right? There is _nobody in the game_. You control a little animated person, who cannot be hurt, because they are _not real_!”  
  
“I think I get it. Like Snow White, right? There wasn’t _actually_ a princess whose stepmother poisoned her. It was just a movie.”  
  
Clint smiled, though he wondered how far he had slipped that getting Steve to compare Mario Kart to Snow White was an accomplishment.  
  
“Sure. Let’s go with that. Now, are we ready to start?”  
  
Steve frowned at the controller in his hands, then at the attachment Clint had provided.  
  
“Why is there a fake steering wheel?”  
  
“So it feels more like driving.”  
  
“But it can’t feel like driving without pedals, and mirrors, and a seatbelt, and-”  
  
“For God’s sake, can you just stop asking questions and start _playing_?”  
  
They made it all the way to starting a race without any further questions, since Clint told Steve to just pick Luigi without asking for input, but as the lights beeped down to begin the game another problem arose.  
  
“Clint?”  
  
“Yes, Steve?”  
  
“How do you play?”  
  
“What-”  
  
Steve started the game by backing up until he fell off the track, and Clint cursed loudly as the distraction caused him to spin out instead of boosting off the start line. He had planned to simply speed around the track, letting his teammate figure it out by trial and error, but since races can’t end until all players cross the finish line and it looked like the nonagenarian wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, he gave up and decided to simply allow himself a crap score. Pausing, he turned to Steve, pointing at the controller.  
  
“This button lets you move forward. As a rule of thumb, don’t let go of it until you know how to game the brakes during turns. The brakes, by the way, work as reverse if you’re not already moving. Turn the controller to the side to turn, like turning a steering wheel. Ergo, making it look like a steering wheel. This one is for drifting, but that’s hard to explain until you know what you’re doing. Really just… just steer and accelerate until you’ve got the hang of that.”  
  
Steve nodded, looking determined, and as Clint watched Luigi zip past him on the track he realized that it wasn’t paused anymore. He had somehow unpaused it while explaining things to Steve, and now the damn computers were on the second lap. Cursing loudly, he did his best, but at the end of the race he only managed to scrape sixth from Bowser by a fraction of a second.  
  
“Sorry I slowed you down.”  
  
Clint sighed. He had been perfectly ready to be furious at Steve, but the man out of time just looked so _forlorn_ , he had to smile encouragingly instead.  
  
“Don’t sweat it. We’ll make a gamer out of you yet! Maybe. At some point in the distant future. Let’s face it, you won’t be good at Mario Kart until you’re the only one still playing it.”  
  
Steve seemed to take that in stride, thanking Clint profusely before turning and walking out, whistling the cleaning song from Snow White.  
  
\---  
  
After the Mario Kart incident came the iPod, which Steve managed to muck up so badly that Bruce almost hulked out. Then Natasha’s iPad, whose Angry Birds app had to be reinstalled before it started working again. Then the Stark Tablet, which Tony tried to explain personally and utterly failed at when Steve broke the third prototype in a row by simply pushing the screen too hard. Even Thor joined in when Steve didn’t understand the washing machine, claiming that his amazing and beautiful Lady Jane had taught him the basics of Midgardian laundry, so even Thor had time to be baffled by his incompetence when he managed to bleach the load containing Clint’s uniform and Tony’s undersuits. Natasha told him in very strong words exactly what he could expect if that happened to any of _her_ outfits, and Steve was banned from the laundry room.  
  
The explanations of the toaster, electric stove, TV remote, and Jacuzzi were hardly any better, and after one incredibly eventful board meeting the mere topic of the smartphone incident was prohibited on SHIELD or SHIELD-affiliated property. When Clint thought it would be easier to tell him to Google things, the entire team ended up being called in to help explain what a vibrator was. After a highly embarrassed Steve left the room, the Avengers looked at each other and sighed as a whole.  
  
“I’ve got to say, I’m getting pretty fed up with Steve’s whole crusade to understand things. I mean, it was one thing to lose horrendously at Mario Kart because he kept distracting me with stupid questions, but the thing with the drawing tablet nearly cost me an eye.”  
  
“He has proven surprisingly resistant to acclimatization, given his background and training. Honestly, how does someone get to a sex toy on Google from trying to look up how to silence a phone?”  
  
Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair. Bruce made a noise as if to agree with Natasha, and the five of them sat there in silence until Clint sat bolt upright, clutching at his phone as if it was a lifeline in the middle of the ocean.  
  
“Holy fucking _shit_.”  
  
“I am unfamiliar with this phrase, but I assume it to be one of shock. What have you seen, friend?”  
  
“I was bored, and thinking about Google, so I just looked up ‘How do I make Steve Rogers understand technology’, and a fucking _YouTube channel_ showed up. The last video was posted like, a minute ago.”  
  
The team gathered around to stare at the tiny screen, and after a stupid ad about bodywash they were treated to a surreal sight: the very kitchen they sat in, with Steve sitting in front of his laptop and grinning like a loon.  
  
_“Okay, so last night, I asked Clint how to turn my phone on silent, and he told me to just look it up on Google. I got… well, let’s say creative with my searching, and got myself directed to a site about sex toys. Let’s see… I haven’t picked on Bruce in a while. I’ll see how he goes about explaining_ this _one to me.”_  
  
“Hey!”  
  
Despite Bruce’s exclamation, the quintet continued to watch as the view switched to Steve knocking at Bruce’s lab, wearing his usual concerned expression.  
  
_“Bruce? Can you help me with something?”_  
  
“Sure, Steve. What is it?”  
  
“I was on Google, trying to figure out how to turn my phone on vibrate, but I don’t understand some of these results.”  
  
“That little traitor. He was _playing_ us!”  
  
Bruce sounded more awed than annoyed, but still mostly annoyed.  
  
“Pretty well, too. This has a thousand views already, and it’s been less than five minutes. Some of the other ones he’s uploaded have a few million.”  
  
They stared as the Bruce in the video took one look at the screen and stammered something about needing help explaining _that_ , and as he ran off to get the others Steve looked right at the camera again.  
  
_“Oh my God, he’s going to get the others.”_  
  
He _laughed_ , and as a whole the Avengers stiffened in shock. It was hard enough to accept that Steve knew enough about the internet to do this, especially when it meant that he had probably been faking his ignorance about _everything_ , but he actually laughed at them? Mr All American Man, the very model of perfection and poise, was pulling pranks on them.  
  
“I’m going to kill him.”  
  
“Friend, that is a harsh judgement to levy for such simple jokes.”  
  
“Not Steve, JARVIS. There’s no way he could get those shots of the tower without accessing my security cameras, and that means he had help.”  
  
As the screen shifted to an overhead view of the table they were sitting at, Clint mercifully skipped ahead to the end, past the horribly awkward discussion, to Steve sitting in his room with his laptop and grinning again.  
  
_“Oh God, they totally fell for it. That… I almost feel guilty, but that was_ hilarious. _Especially Natasha’s face when they made her explain that girls aren’t the only ones who use them…”_  
  
His voice trailed off, and he fixed the camera with a semi-serious face.  
  
_“Now, I know that most of you have noticed that I only make these videos about things that I already know about, and simply enjoy showing the world that the Avengers are just as human as the rest of us. So, drawing the logical conclusion about this one…”_  
  
He paused for emphasis, allowing everyone to make the connection, then grinned in the same way he did when he actually found something amusing.  
  
_“But there are too many betting pools about my love life for me to either confirm or deny that. So, in conclusion: stay safe, don’t do anything stupid, and remember that no matter what happens you will never look as stupid as New York’s favorite superheroes do on a regular basis.”_  
  
The video ended, and there wasn’t even a full second of silence before Tony spoke up.  
  
“Well now I’m just _insulted_. We don’t look stupid ever, let alone regularly. Who does he think he’s fooling?”  
  
Natasha looked like she couldn’t decide whether to try to forget the whole thing or go strangle Steve herself, and was saved from having to decide by a cough from the doorway. They all looked up to see the team captain shrinking into himself, looking as chagrined as possible while still smiling.  
  
“So… JARVIS said you guys found the YouTube account.”  
  
Bruce stood up, patted Steve on the shoulder, and left. That in itself was scary, since Bruce only left when he was well and truly angry and needed to calm down, and there was a moment of silence before Thor boomed out a laugh, one of his blinding smiles stretching out above his beard.  
  
“Truly, a well planned deception, Steven! I could never have guessed that you know more about Midgardian technology than I do, though as our friend Anthony is so fond of telling me, that does not mean much. I am happily willing to continue to explain things to you in a simplistic manner for the amusement of your fellow Earthlings, even if our other friends may bear you ill will.”  
  
Steve took that in stride, nodding at Thor and looking a little bit more comfortable with the whole situation.  
  
“You broke my Angry Birds.”  
  
He immediately paled again, since an angry Natasha was nothing to mess with, only for her to smile and go stand next to Thor.  
  
“And I never suspected a thing. Congratulations. Come on, big guy, let’s let the boys talk this out themselves.”  
  
The pair strolled out, and Steve was left with the two whom he had most often picked on to make his videos. Tony appeared to be in shock, while Clint was torn between stammering dumbly and glaring.  
  
“You- We- But Mario Kart!”  
  
Steve chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
“That was… well, it was my first attempt, and I didn’t really have a concept yet aside from convincing you guys that I had no idea what I was doing. I had actually been practicing when nobody was watching, planning to challenge you guys and beat your asses, but…”  
  
"You knew. What you were doing. The _entire. Time_?”  
  
Clint sounded outright murderous at Steve’s simple shrug, and Tony felt a brief flash of pity before remembering the Stark Tablets.  
  
“You are grounded. So grounded. JARVIS?”  
  
“Yes, Sir?”  
  
“Steve is grounded. Do not let him get anywhere near anything invented after 1940 until I stop being mad at him.”  
  
“And when will that be, sir?”  
  
Steve grinned his best innocent smile, and Tony scowled through the urge to return it.  
  
“Not for a very long time.”


End file.
